New Chapter: We Broke Up.

It's actually been a few weeks since it happened, but I didn't want to make it public just yet. Breakups are hard and they are personal. Also it takes some time to reflect and have it actually settle in for both people. Sometimes people fight and get back together, and other times they have time to reflect back and see that it was the right decision. Being very public on both my YouTube channel as well as on my blog and other social media outlets, people naturally want to know what's going on in my personal life, even though it's my private life. 

The truth is, all relationships are complicated and even though we think we see things clearly from the outside, at the end of the day, we might only see a tiny fraction of the entire picture. In fact, we often don't even see the whole picture ourselves when we're dating as it doesn't revel itself or the future until we step back and reflect after some time has passed. The important thing is that we learn from each relationship, heal, and be better for the next one. Here are my lessons learned and my future thoughts.

Why We Broke Up

The best way to summarize it without getting too personal is that although we were amazing together for the time we met, we ultimately weren't going to be a great lifetime partnership. If you met us in person together, watched out videos, or seen our photos, you might think, wow they were amazing together...and we were, honestly. But being great together during the time, doesn't mean we're great for each other in the future.

We both ultimately have different wants and expectations out of a life partner, and different roles in a relationship. I knew that since we had gotten so close, the next step would be for us to meet each other's parent's and potentially get married. The six months living and traveling together was a great way to figure out if we were meant to be with each other long term, and at the end of the day, we're not.

Part of it is selfish from my part. I know that I'd be okay being single for the rest of my life and that my life would actually be pretty good. Sure it would be missing the love, companionship and support only a partner could bring, but with that also comes with sacrifices and compromises. For me I woke up after doing my 2020 Year in Review and realized that even though some parts of my life was better and much more comfortable, I was also going backwards away from my goals in other parts. 

The YouTube Channel

Even though I have been uploading videos since 2009, my channel didn't really start taking off until just before I met Kristina. Aside from my online business and dropshipping videos, it was my "Journey to Arugambay" video that really started taking off and today has close to 50,000 views.  Also, the $300 a month Villa tour was also super popular with almost 150,000 views, and both were filmed before Kristina and I met. 

But that being said, having her as a big part of my videos these past 6 months has been a wonderful addition. Not only did she help film, hold the camera and co-host sometimes, but also she gave me the motivation to go do cool things as it wouldn't have been as fun doing it solo. I probably never would have done the big scooter trip to Ella by myself or many of the other activities. 

The hard part is now there is a big segment of my viewers that will miss her, and my videos defiantly won't be the same without her. It would be like if Rachel or Monica had left the TV Show "Friends" after the 3rd season. Sure the show would go on, but she would for sure be missed. The other hard part is that like a TV show or Movie, these videos take time and effort to edit and upload, which means there is a queue or a buffer before you see them live on Youtube. The above embedded video is scheduled to air live on February 2nd, which is more than 3 weeks since we broke up and it was first filmed. 

I normally try to keep the buffer at just 1-2 weeks as that allows me enough time to make sure there are videos in the queue ready, while still having the events be fresh and relevant, but right now things were just backed up, especially with the addition of the Colombo footage that I've been meaning to get out, but never made sense until we actually went back to the city again to release, continuity wise. The funny thing is, some viewers that follow me or her on Instagram or social media already knew that we split, but instead of keeping it to themselves, like they would the ending to a book, movie or TV series that they happened to watch before everyone else, they've been blabbing about it in the comment section of the vlogs and even getting mad that we hadn't disclosed it yet. Below is the last and final video that we filmed as a couple, it was our trip to Colombo together. 

Lessons Learned

I feel that with every relationship, we can leave it a better person and learn a lot about both what we want and don't want in a life partner, but also about ourselves. I have to thank Kristina for both being a great girlfriend for all of those six months together, being a good, honest and loving person, but especially for leaving me with the greatest gift someone could ever give me. She wrote this long message that describes our relationship and why we broke up better than I ever could have myself, or am able to share.

Normally I'm super open and upfront about my thoughts on things like money, finances, and what I want out of life, but for whatever reason i'm having a hard time sharing about this one. Part of it is that I don't want to say anything that could potentially hurt anyone as I still deeply care about Kristina as a person, but also, I honestly don't know what I want and don't want to commit to writing something down that may change in a few months or a few years. That's why I'm posting the best summery of our relationship, our breakup, and what we learned from each other in the text below. 

Message from Kristina

Edit: These are her words, but I deleted some parts of it that were too personal. 

"Johnny, I feel that the hardest period has passed since our breakup and now I can accept peacefully that “you and me together” from the box “now” is already in the box “the past”.  I thought a lot about the fact that you really need another girl, and I need another man. To have family with kids is very important for me. I want to be with the person whom it’s also important for, and who mentally and emotionally is ready for the family and ready to fix not simple things which can be in relationships and then later in a family with kids. 

And I want to be healthy in all the aspects including feminine health. Now I just look at our half year of life together as at a wonderful period of my life, for which I am very grateful. You gave me a lot in this relationship, and I wanted to write to you about it. It is difficult for me to keep this inside myself, I feel a strong need to express it. If I won’t do it, it just keeps sitting inside willing to go outside. So I want to let it go and feel free and light. Therefore, you have already received messages  from me before and now got one more long message ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ™ˆ 

You most likely will not read my long message, because I know you, you are lazy to do it :) From my side it is important for me to say, but whether it will be accepted from the other side is not mine care. I want to say that you helped me a lot in many ways and gave me a lot of new useful information and life insights. For this I am incredibly grateful to you.  It seems to me that this is your mission in this life - to change this world for the better and help people.  It is in your blood, in the way you react to everything, in your emotionality, your "warrior's anger", in your sensitivity to people and kindness, in any small moment of your behavior: the way you pet a dog and always want to help it and pull out insects, that you want to hug a person, touch to get dopamine and at the same moment to do massage, to heal, to help. It seems to me that you were born for this mission, Mongolian warrior. It came to you through generations from your grandfather and grand-grandfathers. 

This strong feeling is felt in you, and you were gifted with just such an emotional character, with great deep sensitivity and vulnerability, and at the same time with strong anger - in order to understand and feel people and to have a lot of angry energy, strength and great desire to help the world.  Because changing something is never easy.  This needs a lot of energy. And a whole hurricane of energy lives in you! You are gifted with a huge amount of energy! You are very strong, powerful, but at the same time vulnerable.

Therefore, you have another important feature - not to go where you feel that it will be too difficult. This is care of for your psyche so that you do not get something that hurts you too much. These features of yours are your superpower. But each superpower always has two sides - creative and destroying, and both sides can be used both for the good purpose and for the harm. Talking of our relationship, this is for the good.  And I wanted to tell you which important lessons you gave me.

 + To love and appreciate my personality - you asked me never change.

 + Not to overthinking, not to do things more complicated than they actually are.

 + To know that the way people behave to me in most cases has nothing to do with us. 

And thanks to you, I traveled comfortably around the whole island, saw the biggest gathering of Asian elephants, incredibly beautiful old city Polonnaruwa, Sigiriya, we walked among the mountains in paddy fields, pulled off leeches bitches, ate gorgeous dishes in various luxurious places, lived in luxurious, incredibly beautiful places. 

You opened to me the world of scuba diving and gave me my first lesson in it - you are the best instructor I could ever get! And then you organized a second dive for me in Unawatuna. You opened to me the techniques of Thai boxing and Brazilian jujitsu even before we went to these classes.

Because from the very beginning you forced me to be in your videos inspite of the fact that I was feeling so shy, you gave me a valuable possibility to learn to be more confident in front of the camera. And watching you how you do it I got a lot of useful information to be able to do videos for myself. You bought me glasses for eyesight, so I could see the beauty to the fullest and to watch movies. You cooked a lot of delicious food for me. You gave me half a year of life of incredibly warm relationship when we were together all the time doing what for both of us is a big passion - travelling!

And I wanted so much to get an experience of such a warm relationship. I dreamed about it for a very long time. I was incredibly happy, that you are so tactile.

You gave me a relationship full of feelings and an incredibly huge amount of warmth. I just dreamt of such life experience. These memories of such a deep, warm, bright relationship will remain with me forever. Thank you that was in my life ๐Ÿ’›"

Thank you for loving me and understanding me better than anyone ever could have, including myself. I sincerely hope you all the happiness in the world and that we both learn, grow and become even better versions of ourselves for our future relationships, with whoever that may end up being with.

P.S. If a guy ever hurts you or treats you badly, let me know, and I'll hurt him worse. 

With Love,

Johnny FD

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  1. Any thoughts, comments, personal stories, words of encouragement, or advice? Feel free to post it here as a comment.

    1. You are a good human Johnny. The world is a better brighter place with you in it. Keep on shinning.

    2. You are a good human Johnny. The world is a better brighter place with you in it. Keep on shinning.

    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    4. Sorry for this.. Keep doing ur good blogs n vids. I love it.

    5. Johnny is there a way to reach you as you are in Dropshipping business as well so need your help may be we both could earn a bit

  2. Very sad you both broke up! I hate the outcome but good luck for the future :)

  3. Thanks for sharing with so much vulnerability. Breakups are hard, but it sounds like you've both dealt with it in a healthy way. Well done.

  4. Missed the 'end quote' and temporarily attributed "P.S. If a guy ever hurts you or treats you badly, let me know, and I'll hurt him worse." to her. :D

    People are complicated, and relationships are crazy, vulnerable, things. Having one with public visibility seems like a layer it takes pretty strong people to navigate.

    I'm happy for both of you. Being able to cherish the good parts, thank each other, and accepting there are fundamental differences is awesome. Rare too. Speaks highly of each of you.

  5. Aww. Sorry to hear about your breakup, Johnny. Really enjoyed your videos and it was easy to see you two got along great. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this--especially Kristina's heartfelt letter. You are both beautiful people. Sad that it didn't work out.

  6. Hey Johnny, Im a similar age to you but female. I have been following your videos and I am one of those people that commented about you not not revealing the status of your relationship - just want to be open about that. I think a lot of us thoroughly enjoyed following you and Kristina on your travels and enjoying domestic life. Some people stay in relationships for much longer, ignoring what each other wants and needs in life, but you two shared an amazing time and recognised the differences and parted ways as friends. Not everyone has a clear path to marriage and family, something which I can relate to as well. Take care, wish you both well. Kristina hope you explore your spiritual side more, youve got a lot of love to give.

  7. I couldve told you it was coming months ago. She eats enough for 3 people easily and used you like a dish towel no matter what she scribbled on that note pad. She'll want to come back when she runs low on cash and you will fall for it again!

  8. I'm sorry to hear about this Johnny. Thanks so much for sharing - I would imagine this would be a hard thing to share and to write about. You have a good attitude about the break up - to learn from it and move forward as a better person. Best of luck.

  9. Rule number 1: discuss important things on date #1 like family and kids..its ok to put those discussions off when you are in your early 20's but at this point, its not really being open and honest and respectful of each other. Time becomes more precious as you get older. If you arn't on that same page at least you both know it from the start and can decide just how deep to get involved. Keeps people from getting hurt too much.
    Women more often than not are looking for family and kids at least to a certain age so be aware of this. Its their nature. When they sense they wont get that from you, they fly. It will help you protect your heart when you get involved.

    Looking back over this relationship, it seems to me that it was a bit of a convenient thing, important for you both to have someone during this COVID mess. Not a bad thing to do as long as you are honest about it with yourselves.

    Sometimes it seems that we put off personal goals when we get involved but wasn't getting involved with someone also a personal goal?
    Happen that way, we get really involved, boundaries collapse, then they snap back as the drug of being in love wears off. We are designed that way.
    You may find books by Harvelle Hendrix helpful to explore the deeper meaning of relationships.
    All relationships are temporary in a way...

    And I found out a long time ago
    What a woman can do to your soul.
    Oh, but she can't take you anyway,
    You don't already know how to go.

    Stay strong- you'll be ok...we all go thru this till we learn what we need to learn..

  10. Thanks for being upfront. I feel that we are like brothers. Warm regards my friend. Keep on Keeping on.

  11. Thank you for sharing, Johnny. Sad to read about this, but happy for you both as well.

  12. don't give up so easily johnny fd and kristina !

  13. omg what is the world coming to ? no one stays together any more ? but thx you thx you for memories and wonderful videos !

  14. I'm a bit sad for you guys. Best wishes to you both.

  15. Sorry to hear of your breakup Johnny. I've been there, many times. It never gets easier. Take care of yourself.

  16. Sorry to hear about breakup. All the best to you both.
    Started reading your blog right before Kristina became a huge part of your videos. I enjoyed the high end lifestyle she brought to your youtube channel videos. But, I also miss the more chill Johnny videos, saving money, hanging out at the beach, trying to surf, and doing more local and affordable things as a nomad. Will continue to watch.

  17. I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. I am glad to know you both had an opportunity to discuss it and hopefully both to be heard by the other. It is easier to accept a breakup when you know why it must end.

    Not only does the relationship end, but an entire future vision dies with it. My only advice is to go total no contact. Maybe some day you can be friends, but right now it is best to have no contact including staying away from each other's social media.

    My breakup wasn’t mutual. We were together 6 years, and I was always hopeful that we'd get back together, up to the day I got the e-mail that said, "The separation is now permanent" with firm instructions that I was not to contact her ever again.

    There were some good things that resulted from the breakup. I was afraid to be alone but got over that. I discovered through therapy I was a co-dependent and tried to buy love. I was way too needy. I met some really wonderful people I never would have met, many of whom are still friends. And learned that not everyone who comes into my life will stay. Relationships are fluid.

    But it has been ten years and I haven't yet found anyone that can take her place. She wasn't perfect, neither was I. But I always hoped we'd stay together until my death (I was 14 years older). I'm 72 now.

    I have never stopped missing her. I wish I could forget her totally, but the memories live in my head and heart and I guess I don't want them to leave . . . Since it is all I have left.

    I met her on a total fluke. 5 minutes one way or another, and we never meet. If it can happen once, maybe it will happen again with someone new. I'm leaving it up to fate and the universe.

    Meanwhile, I just live my best life, finding happiness that is not dependent upon anyone else.

    I wish you both all the best. You're handling it a lot better than I did. Stay safe, life goes on, when God closes a door, he or she often opens a window.

  18. These things keep happening. That's why I feel everyone should read Osho's books. 60 years back that guy basically told everyone that monogamy is unnatural. Just enjoy your life. I believe that if someone has to be a part of your life permanently, the relationship has to be a mutually effortless one.

  19. Hi Johnny,

    This is the part of the life journey. The most important thing is to be happy in the things which you like to do. Love cannot be forced. What is destined to end will eventually happen. I think that this is the way of the life. Be happy and focus on your interest. It's no big deal staying single for the rest of the life if this is destined to be in the way. I have encountered such circumstance and take it as a lesson learnt.

    Enjoy life always.


  20. I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. I appreciate that you shared both sides of the story too.

    I have always wonder what it's like to live nomadically and ultimately I find myself wondering if it's possible to do that with a partner. Thanks for answering some of my life's questions with your story.

  21. Johnny whats your take on family with kids ?

    1. I would love to have kids, but it would have to be with the right wife/mother. I don't need to have kids to be happy, and I understand it would be a huge financial and stress burden, but it may be well worth it with the right partner.

  22. Hey Johnny, its me Chanaka from Sydney who introduced you to Meth Bo Sevana. Sorry to hear about your breakup but its very courageous of you to come out & share your feelings with your loyal followers. Infact all of us go through such experiences at different stages of our lives hence you are not alone. As per Buddhism we come alone to this world and leave alone from this world. Between the two certanities what happens in between is uncertain. Thats the eternal truth. During our life's journey we meet people & we leave people. As per Buddhism every tangible thing is fragile like material things and human life. Therefore what is most important is to treasure & cherish good experiences and learn & move forward from the bad ones. It maybe fate or Karma that you both got trapped in beautiful Sri Lanka due to Covid and met each other to do so many beautiful videos promoting Sri Lanka to your worldwide audience. Most of your Sri Lankan viewers in the country & overseas are very much grateful for the amazing work you & Kristina have done due to which even we got to know more about our country of birth. Though you are a big made boy we know that sometimes you are upset like a kid whose toy breaks when your drone falls down ;) Beneath that tough exterior we know that you are a kind soul who is kind for poor people & animals especially dogs :) I hope you will still visit Animals SOS and do a lovely video about thier work as requested by me & promised by you but its sad that Kristina wont be there. If your heritage is part Japanese, then Sri Lanka is country which is closely related to Japan from historical times as I have explained to you before. Anyway be proud of the fact and take strength from the fact that thousands of Sri Lankans love you & Kristina both a lot hence have courage to be brave to face the future with hope & blessings. After all Sri Lanka is country blessed thrice with the visit of Buddha hence nothing but the best woud happen to people with good intentions since as per Buddhism, its the thought that what matters. Every action has a re-action. If your thoughts are pure, your actions will reflect same. May the Triple Gem bless you & Kristina both to be best friends forever. May Sri Lanka hold a special place in both your lovely hearts forever :) Kindest regards, Chanaka Perera, Sydney, Australia.

  23. This is not a end of the world . things are going positive and negative . we never no what's the future hold . enjoy the life . smile . help each others . you will be happy

  24. Soo sad ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

  25. I have been watching your videos and really like them. Frankly, I knew u 2 will break up but your chemistry was good.To keep a relationship going its takes a lot of effort and most of importantly, its all fate. When are you leaving Sri Lanka? Take care Johnny, take care Kristina

  26. Isn't it a bit pathetic to mention that you made 2 clips with a lot of views BEFORE you met Kristina?
    Yes, please do remove this comment because obviously you're not that good in dealing with criticism...

  27. Ukranian dating scam extended for 6 months. Thank god you woke up. Hope the sex was worth all the money you spent.

  28. You both are excellent human beings, in a world of lot of trash (you can see some of that human trash even in here, commenting badly on you guys! Just ignore those losers!)
    Good luck to both of you! Regardless of the where you do, what you will do, you will be happy and great people!

  29. Great that you wrote this Johnny and answered some of everyone's questions. It's strange how when you are a public personality your relationship too can become quite public and your break can make many people sad, just as your happiness can make them happier. It's not easy to lead a nomadic lifestyle and be in a committed "full on" relationship as well. Most people are "nesters" and their nature will always drag them that direction eventually especially when things start cooling off a bit. In my experience, opposite of common believe, men can be just as guilty of this as women. We often underestimate (and I am guilty of that too) are our cultural differences which can be a huge factor in a long term. And when you add things like - uneven life experience levels, uneven financial stability, different ideas about where and how to run a "home" together - it can become impossibly hard to meet in a common ground. It's no one's fault. Keep your good heart. Good luck to Kristina as well.

  30. Johny free spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein said that. You are a free spirit. But you won't always be one. Your next ashrama is starting now. Ukraine may well be your destiny. USA never was! I'm a purebred 100% celtic woman. I see the same things you see.

  31. Hey, what did I miss?


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